Today 6th October 2010

Was listening to the song “My heart will go on” from the movie Titanic. Every word shows the path of true love.  Even though we are far away from the people we love most, love travels the distance to say I love you, I am waiting for, come quick or else I will die. Sometimes it takes a life time to get true love.

People wait entire life thinking that true love will come to them and will hold them tight in their arms forever. I think I dream a similar dream, but I don’t know whether I will have patience to wait for a life time.

“Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime and never let go till we're gone”

These lines are so true love touches us once and that feeling stays with us as long as we live.

I wish this touch of love is shared among all people of this world and everyone feels the love for each other.

Today 3rd October 2010

Today I feel like should write something. Yesterday was chatting with an old friend. She was telling me that she has a lot of dreams but she feels that those dreams will never get fulfilled. I tried to console her that all her dreams will be fulfilled just she needs to have faith in life. She had a horrible past and I really feel very bad about it, I want she should be happy in life. I know her for long time so I can say she is a very nice person. She is afraid of life to some extent, but I am sure someone will erase those fears and will feel her with love.

I don’t understand why god gives punishment to good people who never harm or hurt others. I have a question for god that “is loving someone with your whole heart and trusting that person with your life is wrong?” I don’t think it’s wrong because we are human and we have emotions and feelings; there is nothing wrong to like or love someone. But a very few people understand what true love is.

I wish and pray for my friend that she finds happiness and love which she deserve.

My life 30th September 2010

Life is going no and I am flowing along with it. Eagerly waiting for durga puja and my mum’s visit. Don’t feel like writing daily, don’t know why? May be writing same thing daily is boring J . Had a couple dreams in the past few days, but in all she was there disturbing me. She clouds me like anything and I just can’t ignore her as I still love her as before.

Don’t know when she will stop torturing me in my dreams. I wish it ends soon, but I know her she will not leave me so easily.  

My life 27th September 2010

Didn’t write for 3 days, actually was not in the mood to write something. Life is going on as usual, I wish some changes come along and I see new phases in my life. But I don’t know when changes will come in.

September is about to go away and October to come in. Durga puja is just at the corner, waiting for those 4 days we Bengalis always cherish. I will pray to goddess durga so that she gives happiness to everyone and keep all happy. And yes will ask for my happiness too. I don’t know whether she will bless me with my demands or not but will surely wish that she keep my family safe and happy.

And I wish I find someone too, this time for a life time. Someone sweet and nice, someone caring and understanding. I wish and I hope.

My life 24th September 2010

Today was a nice day but got a bad news, someone I knew is no more with us. She was close to my mum. Mum is very upset we all are. She was suffering from cancer. We all wish that she rest in peace.

God is unpredictable, I just don’t understand why he has to take away people who are young and can live more with their families. When I will face him I will definitely ask this question.

Rest I am fine the back ache is gone now yippee.

I wish a better tomorrow and no more sad news.

Today 22nd September 2010

Suffering from acute back ache, can’t sit nor sleep it’s horrible.  Hope to get well soon.

Nothing much to write.

My life 21st September 2010

As usual it’s raining whole day and night. Was listening to a nice song from yet to be release movie Anjaana Anjaani.

Tujhe bhula diya is the song. Don’t know it connects me, as if each word is mine. A few lines from the song:

“Kaali kaali khaali raaton se
Hone lagi hai dosti
khoya khoya in raahon mein
Ab mera kuch bhi nahi
Har pal her lamha, main kaise sehta hoon
Har pal her lamha main khud se yeh kehta rehta hoon

Tujhe bhula diya, oh,
Tujhe bhula diya, oh
Tujhe bhula diya, oh
Phir kyun teri yaadon ne
Mujhe rula diya.. oh
Mujhe rula diya .”

Really “tujhe bhula diya par kyun teri yaado ne mujhe rula diya”, as this happens a lot to me. I don’t know I just start crying without reasons. But when I think deep I see that actually I was thinking about her, as her thoughts simple don’t go away or fly off out of the window.

I think it’s difficult or rather impossible to forget true love, as it tries to find its way in and out of our heart.

My life 20th September 2010

Yesterday night I had a strange dream. Previously I had watched emotional atyachar episode in internet. And in my dream I was in it, and my girlfriend wanted to check whether I really love her or not. I think I passed the test as I could see that she is holding my hands, but strange I was crying like a baby. I kept repeating take whatever tests you want to take but never leave me alone and go away, and I kept crying and I got up from my dream and I was also crying in real, I was surprised and amazed what is happening to me. As if I had water tanks attached to my eyes and water was overflowing. I wish I could remember or see the person who was my girlfriend in dream, but no clue who she was. I was all wet in tears, I think I cried more than what I cried when my last love left me.

I don’t want to see such dreams; they are so sad and makes people cry like babaies.

Day passed nothing else to say.

My life 19th September 2010

It was raining cats and dogs whole night and day. All my plans were scrubbed.  Whole day at home was so boring. There was nothing to do only chat with friends online and play games, listen to music, same old routine.

Kept on thinking about someone when we were together, no weekend was boring. 

My life 18th September 2010

I am better no more fever no more cough, yes sometimes but less. Was a good day don’t know why I felt nice and calm inside, no past memories to haunt me or sad tales. Just dreamt about my life and my existence. I kept thinking I deserve good and god will definitely reward me with a good soul mate, I believe this don’t know whether it will be true or it will only remain a dream.

I am losing weight, well for me; at least some beautiful girls will look at me if not all.

I wish for a better tomorrow. God bless and keep everyone I know well and happy for ever.

My life 17th September 2010

Today I am much better; I think I will be fine soon. The day is good.

Still weak but better J.

My life 16th September 2010

Wrong date late post Still down with viral, fever, cough, god make me well soon. Or send a caring person to my life who will care for me and also will lend her shoulder to me for support.

I need her now and I don’t know where she is? I wish I knew. Again a cloudy day but I wish no rains please, it’s too much now.

So weak and no energy seriously viral is awful and it attacks me most, don’t know why?

Fever  fever  fever L

Hope to get well soon.

My life 14th September 2010

Today was a sunny day but I am down with viral, no energy to do anything, just sleeping and dreaming. Hope to get well soon, wish I had someone with me who would have taken care of me. Like to put my head on her shoulder when not feeling well, her lovely simple smile to say I am here, I wish these dreams become true for me.

I wish I feel better tomorrow.

My life 13th September 2010

Yesterday didn’t feel like writing something. Yesterday it was out and out rainy day and I think it will be same today. Yesterday was average, only good part is I did some shopping.

I still don’t know what will be today’s verdict as the day has just started, and I think it will start to rain soon. Yesterday faced a lot of problems with my internet connection don’t know why there is no solution the problem. Today is start of a new week and I wish as well as hope that it will be good.

It rained and rained had to skip gym, awful day. It’s true that what we think about really don’t happen, but what we don’t think about, comes along easily in our life. Be happy live happy.

My life 11th September 2010

Today is Eid and Ganesh chaturthi I wish everyone great festive moments. The day started and as usual it is raining, awful was thinking of going out but don’t know whether any plans will be successful or not.

I think today will be a better day than tomorrow. Today I am not sad or emotional as it is generally one day affair for me, as compared to my past, but I keep thinking what happened to me. Why I am still attached to her when she is long gone and happily married to someone else. I think its love which we cannot erase from our life; it will stay on as a memory till the day we die. Sometimes they get erased but traces do remain.

I think we should not wish for a lot in our life, I made a mistake I wished for a lot, had a lot of dreams, which I realize now is only a dream in reality.

Love is life and life is all about love.

My life 10th September 2010

The day was sad for me, as today I saw a new picture of her and I was really sad. She was exactly how I dreamt about her after marriage in bangles chuda , I just loved the picture but what to do she belongs to someone else now, and I have to live with it in this life. I wish I can make her mine in my next life.

Rest it was as usual as every day, only emotional.

I hope and wish I have a better tomorrow.

My life 9th September 2010

Today was a good day for me. Today everybody appreciated me for losing my weight and trying to be in shape. I wish I will live up to everybody’s expectations. Trying hard every day in gym to get back in shape. I hope I will succeed.

There was rain now and then over all a fine day. There is nothing much to write today, I wish I will have more to say tomorrow. Till then.

My life 8th September 2010

Today was a rainy day. The day was good, I was happy. But I was thinking why people say lies, when they can say the trust and gain more respect. I don’t know but I can never lie to any one , I know is a negative part of my life as I have lost regarding that , so it’s my perception.

I picture myself to everyone as I am every day, without changing myself. I expect from others same, but it’s not the same way everyone thinks. I think in today’s world lies pay more than truth. I cannot bear liars, I hate them and will hate always.

Hope I see a better tomorrow.

My life 7th September

Today got up late, it was a bright sunny day, I was happy at last no rains. But as time went by dark clouds came over head and it started to rain. A small memory came back to me from past, once when she was with me we  decided to go out for a movie, but as soon as we started to move heavy raining started and we both got wet, it was  a lovely experience to get wet in rain with your love. I enjoyed that moment with her so much and I will not forget the moment ever in my life. I love rains I think that’s the reason, I love to get wet in rain, and it’s an amazing experience.

Don’t know why her memories cloud my mind now and then. I wish some else come to my life and erase those, so that I can live happily with new memories.

Again it’s raining in the afternoon; don’t know when we will see the sun again. I think Mr. Sun has gone for a vacation somewhere in the universe. Let’s hope tomorrow will be a bright sunny day.

My life 6th September 2010

Once again day started with raining, but hopefully didn’t continue the whole day. The day was more or less boring. Today I failed to control my diet; I think I have to work out more tomorrow.

I am thinking what should I write about today, but nothing is popping up.

Never the less wish all my friends and loved ones be happy.

My life 5th September

When I opened my eyes at 8 am it was raining heavily, I was upset as I decided to go out with my friend.  Today is teacher’s day and I respectfully prayed to god for all the teachers who have taught me great values about life, so that I can live a great life. Hopefully the rain stopped in the afternoon. Went to a mall, bought a new pair of glasses. Had good food like fish fry one of my favorite then mutton roll, awesome food.

Yes we were also looking at girls, specially the beautiful ones, but never had the courage to talk with them; no matter we were happy just by looking at them.  Hope so someone like them will be my Soule mate one day.

More or less I enjoyed the day very much and yes I wish for a better tomorrow.

My life 4th September 2010

Was listening to few sad songs and one of them made my eyes full of tears TUM DIL KE DHAADKAN, the words of this song is so emotional that search for love which is lost in time, but still there is hope that true love sometimes do come back, but it’s rare. In our world people who go away or leave never returns, this is the fact of our life. I too sometimes live in my own world my own dreams which only I can see and no one else and there I see my beloved in my arms, but when the dream breaks its painful.

I wish and hope love be with all.

My life 3rd September

Today was a beautiful day, felt good from the time the day started. Morning was sunny afternoon was cloudy and rain. Today watched a beautiful sweet movie LETTERS TO JULIET”. The movie showed that true love never dies and it makes efforts to unite loved ones, even though 50 years passed by, still love remains and its always young as it was when it started the first time. But I still wonder that whether in real life such stories exist or not? Because movies always have happy endings but real lives don’t. Love just grows in heart it cannot be created it’s a miracle which comes to light on its own will, and disappears without saying a word. Sometimes we cannot even notice when love came and when it left us, it’s the emptiness after that makes us think how beautiful love is.

I wish and pray that all true lovers in this world grow old with their loved ones and no one is separated ever, but still it is my wish, I hope it becomes true for everyone.

Hope for another beautiful day tomorrow.

My life 2nd September

Was listening to the song “Tuh Hi Haqeeqat”, and kept on thinking she was made for me and I think there is some mistake that she is no more with me. Why such feelings thought cloud my mind don’t know, may be the love and emotions still strong. Though I know from my heart the in this life I have lost her , I wish in my next life I will not lose her again. And I wish my mind and I wish my mind and heart both understand this. Actually it is easy to say move on but its difficult when u apply , yes its easy when u never had love in your heart, but if you had true love it is the most difficult task to do on earth.

I wish for a better tomorrow.

My life 1st September

Wow times flies like anything, it never waits for anyone. Seems like yesterday the year started and today it’s already passed the 9^th month. The day was average today. The weather was good, cloudy and cool breeze flowing. And also got a number of calls for job, that’s the best for me today.

In the morning watched the movie sex and the city. It shows about relations and love. Really if love is true and even though there are problems in a relationship it will never drift away from each other. It may stay dormant or it may avoid each other but finally it will come back for you. Love is great and it finds it ways. Nice movie teaches the value of love and relationships and how it breaks and joins when it’s true from heart.

I wish I too get true love in life, I think it’s everybody’s dream.

Hope for a better day tomorrow.

My life 31st August 2010

Today was a good day, as usual nothing special happened. Was emotional today don’t know why, old memories clouded my mind a lot.

I wish I will get to live a better life tomorrow.

My life 30th August 2010

The started with a terrible headache after a long time, but I was fine after taking medicines. Today got a lot of call for day job; let’s see if something cooks up for me my fingers are crossed. Overall the day was good. But to my surprise got call from my ex-girlfriend don’t know why felt good and sad. But I didn’t felt like talking much so kept the phone down and never called back, even she didn’t. Now I don’t care because people have not cared for me and I was stupid to care for them with everything with true love, they never gave value to my love so I will not care for those people.

But I still wish to god to keep them happy whole life. I will never want to see or hear that they are unhappy or sad, as I will not be able to bear it.

I still wonder where the road goes for my life??????

My life 29th August 2010

Today 29^th August 2010

It was a usual day boring was at home, slept the whole day. Had nothing to do.

The day was not good so nothing much to write. Looking for tomorrow , hope it will be a better day.

Lots of thought came to my mind about her and the good old days we spent together when i was flying on cloud 9. Then again its past and i am living in the present and will design my future.

I wish someone come to my life and stay there forever.

My life 28th August 2010

Today 28^th August 2010

I woke up in the morning it was a beautiful day bright and sunny. As usual had my breakfast. Then called my friend whether we can join for some fun usual stuff going out, have good food and come back, yes look at beautiful girls and dream. Watched inception, what beautiful movie brilliant concept and story. Really building your own world in your own dream and living in it, it’s like friction.

Saw a lot of beautiful girls and dreamt like the movie inception that they were there in my dreams, but we are living in real world here dreams break more than they are made.

I wish one day a girl will come out of my dreams to this real world and will grow old with me.

We had ice-cream and popcorn and enjoyed the evening.  I had broken dreams and I am building them again just I need an architect who can design them with beautiful meaning and colors.

I wish I have a colorful day tomorrow and yes I wish I see lots of sweet dreams and build my own world in my dreams.

My life 27th August 2010

It started with a bright sunny day…….at last no rains what a relief. But day started with a sad note my mum is not well, prayed to god to make a well soon. And I know she will be fine soon.

And then again rain started in the afternoon, had to skip gym.

Was listening to the song “on time”, it says

 “Who can say where the road goes
where the day flows? Only time
and who can say if your love grows
as your heart chose?
Only time”

It’s correct we really don’t know where the road of our life goes until we reach the specific destinations, but yes time can tell as it is time which leads us to our destinations in our life. And love we don’t know when it starts growing for someone when your heart starts feeling for someone we don’t know until we start feeling love inside. But yes when time wants that special someone should be with us they are just sailed and we see them in front of us. But sometimes I do wonder why loved ones are parted from us and we are left alone once again. And again time heals the pain sometimes it heals through love.

Too much emotional stuff…I need fresh air. 

Let’s see where the road of my life lead me J

My life 26rd August 2010

Its cloudy today, I think it will rain againL.  But the day turned out to be sunny yippee I am so happy.

The day was good, went out and then office…ohh I hate nite job, don’t know when I will get a day break.

Life is more than happy right now, at least trying to be happy. Thinking of becoming selfish and lead my own life but then again it’s not in my blood. Her thoughts didn’t create problems for me today the fact is I didn’t think about her for a single second. I pray to god that this be the way of life, as her thoughts create clouds in my mind and don’t let me think about others and live my life happily. I have decided to live my life as best as I can and I will see myself happy in life.

Then again love is life and life is all about love and I believe this. I am happy today.

My life 25th August 2010

Today is Wednesday 25^th August 2010

The day didn’t start well…..my computer broke I had to fix it. I hope and wish I will work fine. Then my antivirus broke and I had to fight with it to fix it. I think today is not as good as yesterday, lets see what the rest of the day has in stored for me.

And again it’s raining today L.

The day was good. Watched Sweet November what a beautiful movie, now I believe love can change anything in life. Love is life and life is all about love.

My life 24th August 2010

Today is Tuesday 24th august 2010
The day just started………………… It’s raining and raining “rain rain go away “sunshine is more than welcome now. The day is dull don’t know why feeling a bit lonely, may be missing someone, but I don’t know who. May be someone from my dreams or someone whom I loved. Don’t know who? I wish everyone I know be happy but don’t know when I will be really happy in life, I will smile openly from my heart, as now its fake smile I am smiling. I was listening the song Ehsaan, brought tears to my eyes, u simply cannot forget the person u loved truly or when u had true love. People don’t understand the value of true love now a days, I think people have forgot what love really is. I wish true love do exists in today’s world I get it in this life time of mine. Started working out again after two weeks it feels good. Now I have to control the food. Watched a beautiful movie “A lot like love”, u need to believe in love and it will guide u to happiness. The day was good as usual now I look forward for tomorrow, don’t know what it’s going to bring for me.

My life 23rd August 2010

Today Monday 23rd august 2010,
i was thinking why i am thinking about my past when my future is much more brighter :). 

but still again her memories………………….

the day had began its raining from morning……i like rain but daily its awful :(…

had my breakfast applied for jobs…lets see how it treats me today :)

I promise myself today that I will not take junk food from now on. I need to keep myself healthy and its one of my assumptions why she left me.

Good news came to my ears one of my friends has got engaged, but the way she told she was not happy. I wish she becomes happy in her life.

Today I watched the move THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS and I think when u have the will u will have the way. I wish I have determination and courage like Chris Gardner.

Today was a good day and wish for a beautiful day tomorrow.

My life

I started my life on 8th June 1980 Sunday, the day i came to earth. i stared growing old started to learn life. Spent my childhood without friends alone. Made a few when i was 13, but then again just friends. i was happy alone but still felt emptiness.

One day i gradually reached class 10 the year i appeared for board exams. Scored a minimum of 60% but still didn't loose hope, joined a different school. Again 2 years passed its 1999 and i have to again appear for board and again scored a minimum of 60%.

i lost hope, but somehow again confidence and joined college. my first interaction with computers , it was dream for me and i was happy.

Completed graduation completed masters, now time to join some company and time to grow in life.

Then someone came along in life i met her in orkut. i thought i found my life partner, i was very happy but soon the happiness turned into sad story of my life as my parents didn't like her. i tried my best but she lost hope and left me. i was broke i was crying and i was not happy.

Then i met my old school friends all of a sudden and i was so happy. We had a great reunion. i was happy i found my friends back as i had only one friend. Now i have 4 friends.

few months passed again someone came along she was very young compared to me....i fell in love but she didnot understand my feelings as she was very young but she became a very good friend of mine. i was sad but didn't lose hope. Again a few months passed.

i met someone new in internet, she was behind a mask when she introduced herself. i become friends with her and would wait every day when i will go back home after office and i will chat with her. i used to talk so many things, we even got married on internet, yea its funny but it’s true.

Then suddenly one day she told me whatever she told me is lie, and introduced her real self. I was happy and surprised. I became more close to her. I began to like her so much but didn't have the courage to tell her. I kept on chatting and would wait eagerly for her to come online.

Finally on a cold December winter she asked whether i can meet her. I was over joyed that i will meet the person i like so much in my life.

i waited for her call, and when the phone rang i was so excited that the phone fell from my hands :) i picked it up and talked with her. for the first time i heard her voice.

i got dressed as good as i could and went to meet her. i waited and finally she arrived. she looked beautiful with a gorgeous smile. i smiled back as i was the happiest person on earth.

We spend few hours and it was late and i could allow her to go home alone i went along with her and returned back after she went inside her home. She didn't looked back.

We began meeting each other too often, i will used to wait when weekend will come and i will meet her.

I the mean time i got an opportunity to go to US and work. i told her and she was very happy.

Finally one day i proposed her and she told she is my good friend. I didn't said anything and accepted. i was as before didn't changed. 

The day to leave for US was nearing and i had made it up in my mind that i cannot live without her, because now i loved her more than anything in this world. We met for the last time before leaving for US. She knew what i had in my mind but i never got the courage to speak my heart out. Now she was about to leave i said bye and waited till i cannot see her, but again she never turned back.

One way back home i messaged her i love you. she called back and scolded me and asked why i hesitated to say it in front of her, i said i am sorry but i cannot live with you, finally she said those words which i was hoping to hear for ages those three special word which can change any ones world in a second. She said i love you. i was so happy that i could not stop myself from crying. i was happy i was flying on cloud 9 but i was sad i could not meet her. i left for US. i promised her i will not let you feel alone a single day.

I called her at night day here in India and again in morning. but long distance relationships do create gaps and one such gap came between us and she fought with me for the first time ever. i was very sad. i called her and said sorry, messaged her but no response from her. Finally after 2 days she called me back and said i miss u and i can’t stay here alone without you. i felt very sad.

 i was happy as i was finally in her arms.

and she kissed me for the first time. it was sweet it was beautiful i felt like i was in heaven. i had dreams, dreams which were beautiful.

unfortunately, aunty didn’t like me and later came to know she has asked her to leave me. i was flying on the clouds now i fell down from the skies. 

few months passed, one day i received a call from an unknown number. it was her father. he asked who i was. i said the truth without hiding anything. i was tensed, i was more tensed.

she was upset and she was not happy with me as she didn't expected i will tell the true events, she thought i will lie, but don’t know why i didn't.

she stopped talking with me. i was sad and upset. she was not picking my phone. i asked her to meet me and somehow she agreed. i was happy that i will make things better between us. but my luck was not good she said she was not happy with me, saying so she left me. i was very sad.

i tried my best to contact her but she never turned up. i took help from her friend, she too tried a lot but failed.

i got job in one of the best companies in the world, but i was not happy as i was separated from my life.

again winters came and it was 25th somehow her friend arranged a call. i called her with lots of hopes and dreams.

i was wrong she abused and insulted me like which i had never faced in my life. the ground beneath me just exploded and i felt no legs.

i left disheartened. new year came and i was the so  sad more than anyone else. my dreams are shattered hopes broken. but the love for her in my heart never became less.

tried and tried for 10 months was insulted in every way possible still had a hope she will return. Then one day saw her picture in facebook i was over joyed, but sad and i cried as she was engaged and she was there with her fiancée. now she will never come back was the only thought in my mind. but still my love for her was same.

A few months passed and now at present she is happily married to someone she love. Things changed people changed and it happened so quick  that i still wonder where was i wrong ? i question which has no answers. why she left me? a question with no answer. i have assumptions but then again they are just assumptions.

i still wake up at night and think " i wish she was here with me now" but is a thought and nothing more.

i am still living the life i was living when she was with me but now i am all alone.

i have a wish that she comes back to me, but it’s cruel to think such a thing as i cannot destroy a family specially when it belongs to someone i love.

Months passed many came and went but no one left a print in my heart which she did.

i don’t know whether i will be able to forget her ever in this life but i wish i get her again in my next life. i let go my love for her happiness.